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Review: “Jumper”
By Kyle | February 17, 2008
JUMP TO CONFUSION
Kyle Smith review of “Jumper”
88 minutes/PG-13 (profanity, action violence)
“Jumper” is about a guy who can leap through the universe’s time-space wormholes, instantly teleporting himself from his Manhattan pad to, say, the face of Big Ben in London. Is that all? Doesn’t he know that in the 1980s, Phil Collins managed to appear at Live Aid in London and Philadelphia on the same day?
Hayden Christensen’s David is a smug young pup who, since he was 15, has been able to use wormholes to jump from any location in the world to any other, instantly, but the story around him quickly develops more holes than Hillary Clinton’s campaign strategy.
Though it would be far more challenging if David couldn’t take anything with him when he jumps, he can bring whatever he needs for each trip. So he pockets a crowbar, zaps himself into a bank vault and takes bags of money. When he feels like having a picnic on top of the head of the Sphinx, he does it, sandwich in hand. When he goes surfing, if the waves are ungnarly wherever he is, he can zip over to some other ocean and bring his favorite surfboard.
You could do a lot with this conceit, or, alternatively, you could do very, very little with it.”Jumper” chooses this second path, sticking to an adolescent ain’t-this-cool approach.
As David matures over the years, you’d think he would face some “Groundhog Day” dilemmas–that picnic, and the visit to Big Ben, are carried out alone. How much fun can that be? How does he deal with the solitude of his secret? He can’t be forming personal relationships if he is constantly zapping the scenery as though flipping channels. There are moral problems too: Does he feel bad that all of his money is stolen? (He leaves IOUs behind at his robberies–but since he obviously doesn’t do anything legit for money, the suggestion is that he pays for each burglary with the proceeds from the next one. Why bother?)
Then there’s the danger of boredom. Just as a movie critic finds that there are limits to the thrill factor of passing one’s days at the movies–thank you for the lesson, “Saw IV”–that Sphinx snack wouldn’t be interesting the 50th time.
David’s sole problem, though, is that he’s being chased by a mysterious agent called Roland (Samuel L. Jackson in man-in-need-of-paycheck mode) with snow-white hair and the attitude of a school principal at the kegger.
David is one of many jumpers (such as Jamie Bell’s Griffin), all of whom are being chased by Roland because he’s a religious crank who thinks a jumper’s powers should be held exclusively by God. He has figured out a way to capture them. Are you ready? His trick is electrified lassos. Why these should work isn’t clear; the jumper could be on the next continent by the time the rope tightens around him.
David’s got a love interest (Rachel Bilson) with whom he’s supposedly been obsessed since he was 5. How obsessed is he really, though? He walked away from her for no reason in his mid-teens and then apparently didn’t talk to her for a decade, though there was nothing keeping them apart.
Only when Roland starts chasing David does he seek her out, as though he’s just read the superhero handbook and realized that it’s considered bad form not to have a girl with you when the bad guys rev up. Nothing strikes her as odd about either his disappearance or his reappearance, so she immediately agrees to go to the airport with him and hop a flight to Rome.
Even when she finds out about his superpowers, her comments run along the lines of, “I’m only taking you down so you can get me out of here. Can you take me now, please?” She doesn’t even pause to ask, “By the way, how did you just manage to break every law of physics?” or “What’s with the gang of supervillains?”
Roland’s got a machine–it’s a testament to the imaginative force and creative drive of this movie that it’s called “the machine”–but exactly how it can be used to help capture jumpers is neverclear. And why doesn’t Roland use the machine–to play the part, the special effects department apparently picked up an off-brand space heater from Circuit City–the first time he meets up with David, instead of waiting until the last act?
Personally, if I were being bothered by Roland, I think I’d jump to the nearest gun shop and pick up some heavy armaments. Instead, the jumpers do things like nip into London to pick up a city bus, which they hurl at Roland in the Egyptian desert.
Possibly they are overthinking things. It’s equally possible that this rag of a script is underthinking things. The whole second half consists of the jumpers jumping around the world–zap, scenery change!–and the villains trying to catch them with their magic lassos–zap, they’re being electrocuted yet seemingly unhurt!–and repeat.
How weird is this movie? So weird that in the big car chase, the car is neither being chased nor going anywhere in particular. So weird that one jumper tries to sabotage another by hurling his gizmo off the top of the Empire State Building–knowing that the second jumper will simply teleport himself into the air to fetch it. (Why not jump your way to a hardware store and smash the thing with a hammer?) So weird that a guy is persuaded to change his mind about joining forces with a rival by the argument, “So, we doin’ this, or what?” So weird that the bad guys possess a magic aerosol can they use like room freshener, so weird that the hero has to be rescued by his mom, so weird that a house in Ann Arbor, Mich. keeps its TV tuned to the New York City cable news channel.
Topics: Movies |
February 11th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
OH MY GOD!
i was looking forward to this movie man. and now youve completely destroyed it for me. i can only pray that i find another artical that completely contradicts your argument.
February 11th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
They only hate it because hayden christensen is in it. he’s still being punished for star wars.
February 11th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
this really is a piece of garbage. Ouch! Thanks for posting an early review..
http://www.boxofficepsychics.com
February 11th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
I agree with hurt fan. Now I’ll wait for the dvd rather than see it in the theater. Bummer, although I’m glad I read this review. Saved me $8.75 and two hours.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Hayden Christensen deserves to be punished for ruining one of the best sagas of all time! This is reason enough not to see the movie. The reviewers comments didn’t mention anything about Hayden, his review seems to indicate that the massive plots holes ruin the movie.
February 11th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Sounds great! Can’t wait to watch it!
February 11th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Dont judge the movie by one early review. Check rotten tomatoes when it gets enough reviews.. Hayden wasn’t that bad in star wars. He had a few shitty scenes but ep 3 was pretty bad ass.
February 12th, 2008 at 4:03 am
“but the story around him quickly develops more holes than Hillary Clinton’s campaign strategy”
Will your next review somehow find a way to make negative mention of Obama too?
..oh wait, you write for The Post, never mind.
February 12th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I liked it. Just fun. If you’re looking for heady dialogue, deep plot, answers… maybe not for you.
I always felt good reviewer doesn’t just puke up the plot and then deride it. Nothing like being a spoiler without saying so in advance.
Hayden was fine in this btw. I certainly was looking to see if it was him or Lucas.
Unless you trust this reviewer implicitly, look around for some reviews from people that aren’t film CRITICs and still can enjoy a film that isn’t the “best ever”‘ film. I certainly had a good time.
February 13th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Stick to writing reviews and keep your politically comments to yourself.
February 13th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Recently saw this at the prescreening-
The review is very on the mark,
Virtually no coherence in plot, awful pacing, stupid characters and dialogue.
For example the mum who hadn’t been mentioned at all (she left when he was five) is revealed to be a bad guy in the last ten minutes, so hayden teleports to her house that he somehow finds and gives her a hug.
No ones rating this film as a high concept piece, but as far as lowbrow action films go - perhaps the worst one I have ever seen.
I couldn’t even laugh ironically at this film, it just made me incredibly angry.
February 13th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Well, I saw the premiere and I liked the movie. The film had impressive sfx and really, the story was a simple one: young boy discovers he can teleport and uses it to make everything in his world the way he wants it. Then it all gets spoiled by some fanatics who hate people who can make their world the way they want.
Action scenes do happen fast, but anyone who’s familiar with Liman and his Bourne movies knows to expect this action style. With the teleporting the fight scenes are cool; imagine if Jason Bourne could teleport while fighting! I certainly rooted for the Jumper, and the ending scene was a true surprise, and very creative. No academy award acting, but entertaining nonetheless. I recommend it.
February 13th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Love the Hillary Campaign zinger you placed in your RottenTomatoes review. Does that come with a rimshot sound effect?
February 13th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
It might be enjoyed by 8-year-old boys who are oblivious to plot holes.
February 13th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I think this movie would be more interesting if you actually couldn’t bring things with you when you teleport. It stands to reason then that every time you transported, you’d arrive naked (why should you be able to take your clothes if you can’t take anything else?) It then stands to reason that the titular star would be Rachel Bilson, rather than Hayden Christensen.
I think we’d all agree that would be an improvement.
February 13th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
The simple fact that Hayden Christensen is in it is enough to scare me off. He should be punished for his tone deaf acting in Star Wars, although you’d think Lucas could have helped him by doing 50 or 60 takes of each scene he was in to get one that contained acting that looked semi-natural.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:02 am
“The simple fact that Hayden Christensen is in it is enough to scare me off.”
He was great in *Shattered Glass*. I have started to wonder though if it was great casting, not great acting.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:43 am
“Jumper” was good, clean fun … for the first 10 minutes. Then, boy does it go downhill in a hurry. Kyle touched on but a fraction of the gaping, glaring plot holes/inconsistencies …
February 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Christensen cannot be blamed for the prequels’ plot holes.Besides, i don’t remember Hamill even having a whiff of an Oscar when he played Luke. “But i was gonna go to town to get some power converters!” and “I’m looking for a Jedi master” could’ve had more testosterone coming from Leia.
February 19th, 2008 at 1:43 am
Yes, I agree. The film was riddled with so many underdeveloped sub-plots and holes that it hurt my head. Another thing I want to mention are the terribly edited and shot fight sequences. You couldn’t make out what was going on half the time.