By Kyle | April 20, 2012
Really, there is no nastier ways to criticise (it’s happening!!! I’ve been in London too long!) the Spurlockiness of Morgan than to actually quote the man. In the Mail on Sunday a couple of weeks ago, he made an effort to sum up British quirks in hilariously new ways. This is what he came up with. As you will see, every point he makes is a cliche. (Except the thing about dating, which is just odd.) I remind you that this is a man who has supposedly studied the UK. In other words, this is not just what he came up with on the way in from the airport. Here’s the UK according to Morgan.
1. The Weather. You’re obsessed with it, infatuated. I walked into the studio in London on the first day and said hello. The first reply was about the weather. Everyone I met mentioned it: what it was like, what it was going to be like…[etc]
2. Churchill’s assertion that the U.S. and Britain are two nations divided by a common language still stands….as for regional accents – there are parts of northern Britain and Scotland where I need an interpreter. There are a few archetypes of Brits that still exist in the U.S. – you’re all lords and ladies or Cockney chimney sweeps or James Bond or very dastardly villains. It’s something about the accent. You sound 30 per cent smarter than us…[etc]
3. Tea. No matter how good the hotel or the restaurant you’re in, the coffee is terrible. But the tea is great [etc.]
4. Money. London is a really expensive place to live. If I get a cab to the airport at home it will cost me $40. Here it’s £100. It’s an obscene amount. Eating out is expensive. Movies are [etc]
5. Beer. You do enjoy a tipple here. And not just a couple. When someone says, ‘Let’s have a pint’ they mean four or five. Going for ‘a beer’ means ‘we are going to the pub and we probably won’t leave till closing time’. And you don’t like to be parted from your beer – even if it is warm
6. Dating. American dating mores are very different from yours. At home it’s acceptable to go out with two or three people at the same time [etc]
7. Cricket. Test cricket is one of the hardest things on this Earth for an American to watch. I’ve tried and I can’t. It’s just agony, like paint drying [etc.]
8. Rules. You’re very sensible when it comes to crossing the road. You do it in the allotted places. Americans don’t care where they cross [etc.]
9. The Monarchy. There appears to be this divide in your country between those who love the Queen, the whole pageant, and those who don’t [etc].
10. Queuing. You love a good queue. I thought it was a joke until I saw it for myself. I drove past a bus stop and there was the line about a dozen people long. The bus wasn’t even in sight but there they were in a perfect line. Our cultures are not that far apart, the world continues to get smaller, but there are still these little quirks that separate us and that’s a good thing.