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Kyle Smith (Twitter: @rkylesmith) is critic-at-large for National Review, theater critic for The New Criterion and the author of the novels Love Monkey and A Christmas Caroline. Type a title in the box above to locate a review.

Buy Love Monkey for $4! "Hilarious"--Maslin, NY Times. "Exceedingly readable and wickedly funny romantic comedy"--S.F. Chronicle. "Loud and brash, a helluva lot of fun"--Entertainment Weekly. "Engaging romp, laugh-out-loud funny"-CNN. "Shrewd, self-deprecating, oh-so-witty. Smith's ruthless humor knows no bounds"--NPR

Buy A Christmas Caroline for $10! "for those who prefer their sentimentality seasoned with a dash of cynical wit. A quick, enjoyable read...straight out of Devil Wears Prada"--The Wall Street Journal

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    Wifebeater Newscaster Sentenced to Reading About Matt Damon

    By Kyle | January 15, 2010

    New York 1 Newscaster Dominic Carter was sentenced by a New York judge to 30 days in prison for beating, choking and kicking his wife. The cruel and unusual part: The judge also made him read an article about the humility of . . .Mahatma Gandhi? Abraham Lincoln? No, Matt Damon. Says the Post, which probably should have published this article under News of the Weird:

    [Judge] Etelson also gave Carter a photocopy of a New York magazine article about Matt Damon that cited the actor’s views on honesty and humility. The judge noted that Carter had egotistically dropped the names of politician-friends during prior court proceedings, and bragged to cops about being written up in The New York Times.

    “You are equal to everyone,” Etelson said. “Try some humility and honesty — it goes a long way.”

    Thanks, judge, but could I have a year in Attica instead? I mean, whatever happened to all those promises about torture being removed from the justice system? And yes, mentally I do pronounce the words “Matt Damon” the way they were pronounced in “Team America: World Police.”

    Read more:

    Topics: Movies, TV | 4 Comments »

    4 Responses to “Wifebeater Newscaster Sentenced to Reading About Matt Damon”

    1. ina Says:
      January 16th, 2010 at 10:03 pm

      … and how can we find that New York Magazine article about Matt Damon’s ‘humility and honesty’ … ?

    2. FeFe Says:
      January 16th, 2010 at 10:42 pm

      Maaat Daaaaaamon, the misogynist, who wouldn’t trust a woman to be Vice President lest she have pms? The same guy who married a woman with a child already because he knew she could conceive, and thinks his wife needs guidance in raising their children because she was only a bartender? Way to go judge.

    3. J. Says:
      January 17th, 2010 at 9:17 am

      I’d rather be urineboarded…

    4. JohnFNWayne Says:
      January 18th, 2010 at 11:35 am

      Never thought I’d pity a wife-beater.