By Kyle | June 10, 2007
Kyle Smith review of “Rebound”
Running time: 86 minutes/Rated PG (mild profanity)
How could you have a worse time tonight than you would if you saw “Rebound”? You could lock yourself in a closet for 86 minutes, but then you might slip into meditation. You could step in front of a moving taxi, but you could meet a foxy doc in the ER. Even if you leaped off the G.W. Bridge, the first five seconds would probably be a thrill.
“Rebound” starts off bad, then tapers off.plays Roy, the coach of a top college hoops team who gets the ax after yelling at some refs and kicking a basketball. Bobby Knight did far worse when he was Indiana’s coach, and was exiled to Texas Tech. Roy, though, falls all the way to a gig at a suburban middle school, mainly because middle school is cuter.
Vain, bored and selfish, Roy slouches into school as we meet his new team, theSmelters. A fat kid walks into doors and has cupcake smeared on his face; another throws up a lot. These are the highlights.
When he can be bothered, Roy issues motivational clichÃƒÂ©s (“Ain’t no I in team”), elementary instruction (“You got to communicate”) and information that is flat-out wrong (“Most of the nights that Jordan had huge numbers, the Bulls lost”).
The story and script earned paychecks for five different writers, but Hollywood often uses an uncredited star word-slinger. I have my suspicions about who that might have been in this case: the golden retriever who starred in “.”
A suggestion for the DVD, which should be arriving in about two weeks. Instead of issuing a director’s cut, give us a special “audience cut.” Inside the box, there’s no movie at all: You get a Kit Kat bar instead.