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Review: “Bolt”
By Kyle | November 18, 2008
Partially awesome
Kyle Smith review of “Bolt”
2.5 stars out of 4
99 minutes/PG
“Bolt” is a sharp-toothed beast who can make the earth tremble with his growl and blow away all pursuers with his superbark. It’s almost as if he were a publicist for PMK.
Among Bolt’s other powers in this minor but agreeably demented Disney cartoon, shown in 3-D in some theaters, are the ability to bend iron bars, shoot down helicopters with his laser vision and dangle cars between his jaws. He does all of these things on his weekly TV show, “Bolt,” but Bolt the dog doesn’t know that Bolt the character possesses only pretend superpowers, only when the cameras are rolling. Two cats who are in on the secret come by his trailer to taunt him with their evil laugh and Bolt jumps out of the sunroof chasing them.
The pooch (voiced by John Travolta, who, after all these years, still has no problems sounding dumb) accidentally gets shipped from L.A. to New York, where he tries to find his way back to his owner (Miley Cyrus) with the aid of a sardonic cat named Mittens who keeps telling him he doesn’t have any superpowers. With only a Waffle House map for guidance, he starts hitching rides back to California. Among the horrors that will face him are imprisonment at the animal shelter, getting thrown off a truck, and Ohio.
“Bolt” combines Hollywood Reporter gags (you know you’ve hit the Left Coast when two pigeons pop up saying, “I’m Blake and this is my writing partner, Tom”) with lost-doggie woe and more fluffy cuteness in its first 30 seconds than “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” contained in its entire running time — four and a half hours, so it seemed. Essential to the proceedings is a fired-up hamster who believes the dog is the superhero he plays on “the magic box” and is itching to help him open a can of whoopass on the world: “Ring, ring! Who is it? Destiny? I’ve been expecting your call.” Rhino is the hamster’s name; “Fully awesome!” is his motto, as he schemes inside his plastic exercise sphere. When Bolt points out a guard who stands in their way, Rhino vows, “I’ll snap his neck!” He’s a Habitrail version of Kung Fu Panda.
It’s a good thing there’s so much adorability on offer because the script aims for dry wit instead of wacky visuals. Speaking of ending a TV show on a cliffhanger, someone says, “You ask for unhappy 18- to 35-year-olds, I give you unhappy 18- to 35-year-olds.” Confused Five to eight-year-olds in the audience are going to be overheard asking: Why are the bad men making fun of the most coveted demo, Mommy? Among the other punchlines are, “But I’ve always been so vigilant!” and “I am irked, and that will not do.”
The laughs are mild ones (though the peril is surprisingly perilous; little kids may scream when they see these cuddlies dangling over fast-moving traffic or about to get walloped with a baseball bat) but the voice work is solid (particularly Susie Essman as Mittens and Mark Walton as Rhino). There is an inspired cuteness to some scenes, such as the montage in which the cat teaches the dog about normal canine behavior and admits, “You know why we hate dogs? Because we want to be dogs.” Insightful, and widely applicable. Cats are to dogs as Frenchmen are to Americans, as psychotherapy patients are to frat boys, as spinsters are to orgiasts.
Ultimately, Bolt must learn that while he isn’t a superhero, he does wield the superpower of a prime-time star vehicle. Unlike the hamster, the screenwriting pigeons know who Bolt is, yet are equally awed. When they prepare to pitch him some ideas for punching up his series, one of the birds tells the other, “Don’t freak out. That’s how you blew it with Nemo.”
Topics: Movies |
November 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Strangely I plan on going to see this (and yes I have no kids) but I am mainly going because it’s 3D here and I was wowed by Monster House in 3D.