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George Gurley Does Sarah Palin
By Kyle | September 18, 2008
From the New York Observer’s funniest, manliest man, George Gurley:
My very first thought about Sarah Palin? That would be: “I want to have sex with her.” Want to lick that face and drool on it like a dog.
Then during her speech at the convention: No cleavage? No fair. Slurp slurp.
O.K., I’m only going to say this once: Sarah Palin is much better-looking, smarter, wiser and savvier than 99.5 percent of the hysterical New York City liberal chicks whining about “scary” and “mean” Republicans.
Democrats are going to lose and blame America, but I’m going to have a ball on election night like I did in 2004 when W. cleaned John Kerry’s clock. Went to The Palm steakhouse. Media elite party. Everyone acting like it’s the end of the world—except for me. Ha! Suckers! Moved on to Red Rock West, where the barmaid poured shots down my throat; I danced around with a pool cue. I took my one-man celebration over to the Daily Show party. Everyone there stunned, muted. Not me. Ha! Screaming “Whooo!” and “Wheeee!” I sat on some kind of plastic horsey, pretending to ride it. Giddy-yap pony! Some random girl came over and gave me a quick smooch—not bragging, just sayin’.
I was thinking about Sarah Palin yesterday. You want this? O.K., here you go: I was looking out the window. Hands outside the pants! Thinking about her. I want her to take care of me. Nurse! Climb into bed with me and watch movies, cuddle, laugh, play footsie. I see she had a tanning bed installed in the Governor’s mansion. That means no tan lines. Mmmm, me likey!
Topics: Comedy, Politics, Sarah Palin |
September 18th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
That’s the benefit of Sarah Palin for most Republican males - having the veep nominee at rallies is the closest most of them will get to a reasonably attractive woman actually talking to them. You can say what you like about Democrats, but at least they get laid.
September 18th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Er, what? Republicans are the party of stockbrokers. Dems are the party of shaggy (rarely shagged) struggling writers. I think Sean Hannity probably got more action than Al Franken in high school, although I admit that Franken’s count was probably driven up by “experimenting” with other lads he met in the locker room.
September 18th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Dems attract young women. Reps attract middle-aged former beauty queens looking for unhappily married millionaires.
September 18th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Hunter,
You are completely discounting trophy wives. A staple of older Republican men. Also with liberal women you have to go to a rally or Indigo Girls concert first and then hope they don’t reject hygeine as part of the corporate establishment. So I’m playing the qulaity versus quanity card here.
September 18th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Also with liberal women you have to go to a rally or Indigo Girls concert first and then hope they don’t reject hygeine as part of the corporate establishment. So I’m playing the qulaity versus quanity card here.
Dems are the party of shaggy (rarely shagged) struggling writers
How square are you guys? The answer? VERY. And uh, Kyle, last I checked, and even though you write conservative based film reviews for Rupert Murdoch, you’re a writer. Well, technically anyway.
From what Ive seen most hot young girls, at least here in NYC, all vote Democrat. Until they sell out of course, get drunk, and do anyone with a black Amex like most GOP chicks.
September 18th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Lindsay Lohan recently offered to host Democratic events for Barak Obama. She is a bicoastal Democratic whore. I wonder what you would get from her at a $1,000-a-plate dinner?
September 18th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Dems attract young women.
Well, naturally. It’s the party of the young and/or stupid.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Hunter is wrong, no surprise.
Dems are the party of Lawyers, Wall Street big wigs, Entertainment honchos, and the like. The typical Type-A jerk master of the universe.
This attracts the Lindsay Lohans, the Anne Hathaways, the Brad Pitts, Pam Andersons, etc. of both sexes. Hot but trashy and generally promiscuous reputations.
Hathaway, for example, dated some big-shot financier until he was arrested for fraud. Then she dumped him immediately.
Reps are the party of Oil and Gas mid-level executives, mid level real estate people, small business, real estate brokers, insurance agents, blue collar workers, etc. They lack the money and glitz to attract the high class “talent” that guys like John Edwards pulls in, not to mention Bill Clinton. Or Mayor Tony Villaraigosa. Or Mayor Gavin Newsome.
Palin appeals to blue collar and middle income guys. Not to younger women though, who like status-power-prestige. And dislike Palin. Older women, particularly those shoved aside for the shiny new Affirmative Action man, love her.
This election? Obama has a good chance through massive voter fraud to take it, the economy is in the tank and people blame McCain.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Ummm…speaking as a young student I can assure you that not all young women are democrat. In fact I know a great deal that are conservative politically.
Democrats are notorious for overestimating their appeal among young people. I don’t doubt that most young idealists tend to lean to the left but it is hardly the stronghold the democrats think it is.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:35 am
Well if McCains recent interview about Spain and Latin America are any indication the Republicans are the party of the old and senile kishke. That senility seems to extend to just about everything with McCain lately too like deregulation and the AIG buyout. He just cant seem to remember what side of the issue he is on. Maybe he can get Lynn De Rothschilde to define elitist for him again? I mean someone who has a 600 million dollar fortune and is part of the Rothschilde banking empire and someone who owns 9 homes and a private jet(McCain) should maybe look in the mirror before calling anyone else “elitist” or “out of touch with the average american”. Good to know where the Republican party is at these days; playing BS politics as usual.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:50 am
How about that in depth interview she did with Sean Hannity?
Face it, she’s over. Her approal was down 10 points from just last week and by November if things keep going as they are she will become a major liability. She is in truth, a political pawn and completely irrelevant in any other respect. Even Republican Senator Hagel, said the inclusion of her on the ticket was an insult to the intelligence of the American people. Which tells me none of you have too much intelligence to actually be insulted!
September 19th, 2008 at 3:05 am
One more question? Who is the idiot that wrote that piece on Palin? Does he really believe she is “wiser” and “savvier” and “better looking” than 99.5% of New York City Women? LOL! Not only is he an idiot but he is obviously blind and tasteless. After this week between her interview on Hannity and her way to once again wiggle out of a foreign policy question at campaign stop it has become quite clear to just about anyone with half a brain that she is one of the worst political hacks in American history. Please Sarah, on to the debates. And Republicans try not to hide behind “its sexism” when Biden mops the floor with her.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:33 am
Hey dont be so hard on Lohan, you guys elected an ex alcoholic and drug user to two terms as President. And she’s prettier too.
Fun Fact: According to John McCain fish love to swim near oil rigs so not only is it good for our oil reserves to drill offshore but its good for fishermen too!
McCain seems to be showing more and more similarities to Uncle Junior in the last two seasons of the Sopranos lately. I wonder when he is going to meet with President Putin of Germany or when he might start a war against our Spanish adversaries? Or why fix a “fundamentally sound” economy? Thankfully “pigs” amd “lipstick” are off the table and now we are stuck with the issues and as was expected Palin/McCain are floundering.
No idea who this George Gurley bonehead is but I think I would rather sleep with Scarlett Johanson(a democract) over Sarah Palin. Just me maybe?
September 19th, 2008 at 10:57 am
drug user
Does the Democrat exist about whom that cannot be said?
Oh, right, they don’t inhale.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Hunter,
Most republican females are FAR FAR more attractive than democrat females.
But you probably were already aware of that.
Kyle,
“I think Sean Hannity probably got more action than Al Franken in high school”
I think Hannity probably still gets more action than Al Franken.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Who Mo? Ann Coulter? Michelle Malkin? I guess if you like insane neo nazi hags then I guess you would find them more attractive. I’m sure you find all your toothless meth addicted trailer park neighbors attractive too as long as they vote republican.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Sorry Whiskey, middle income guy here and I think Palin is down right scary. And after that Hannity interview Ive also concluded she is a brainless, mediocre, political hack with no ideas of her own. Even one of your Senators, Chuck Hagel, concluded its a totally political move to include her on the ticket and an insult to the public.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Where are you from Blackhawk? If you look at the polls for the last few elections the 18-25 vote is predominantly democrat. Thats how Clinton knocked Bush out and I think its safe to say that Obama has the majority of the under 35 vote. Esepcially after thise week when McCain has proven to be as senile as Uncle Junior on the Sopranos. Perhaps later in life when they become cynical and jaded they then vote on the right but generally not before. I’m not saying there arent young republicans but if you want to argue who gets more action its undoubtedly young Dems. Ever see a young Republican convention? Bunch of white dweebs blasting Toby Keith.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Not that a completely abstract conversation with unprovable assertions about which ideaology has the most attractive women isn’t entertaining (or at least was until the really hateful people got in here…Bill M, Blue Lou same person different screen name) but I have to share something unrelated and crazy. I’m in TN and we have a gas shortage right now. Every gas station is completely out of gas and people are going nuts. They just said on the news police have had to be dispatched to a local Shell station up the street to break up an angry group of drivers. Bare in mind this isn’t the sort of place where that kind of thing happens, this is one of the wealthiest and most educated areas in the US. I’m predicting the whole area is going Mad Max if this isn’t fixed by Monday.
Also please stop citing polls; they’re completely worthless, endlessly proven inaccurate, and the worst thing to happen to politics since Wolf Blitzer.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Arrrgghhh!! Foiled by the stupid awaiting moderation thing again! Curse you Kyle! Random question, is anyone else having gas shortages in their area?
September 19th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
It just struck me that the theme of this thread from both sides is basically
“Democrats are a bunch of whores!!!”
Good job guys
September 19th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
@ Blackhawk.
Or you could put it another way - Democrats are much younger and so sleep with other people more often, wheras Republicans, being much older, give better blow jobs, as most of them can easily remove their teeth.
September 19th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Hunter,
Don’t discount the value of a good gumming.
I think independents are the hottest. The ability to think without any collective teet is a quality I personally find very attractive.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I think Keith Olberman gets more action than Sean Hannity. And what woman would want to sleep with Tucker Carlson? That bowtie should get you beat up, not laid.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Sean Hannity is better looking than Al Franken, and Hannity actually has some humility. I don’t think that you can just look at their respective politics.
Real Republicans can’t stand Chuck Hagel.
Isn’t Sandra Bernhard a Democrat? Lovely.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Palin is a farce.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
What the hell are real republicans? People that shoot live animals from the sky?
September 20th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Sal_P,
“What the hell are real republicans? People that shoot live animals from the sky?”
Congratulations for perhaps the most irrelevant and directionless statement on the boards today. I’m sure you are very proud.
September 20th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
What the hell are real republicans?
People who can’t stand Chuck Hagel. Can’t you read?